I recently had my last online dating encounter with a guy we shall call Steve. I started corresponding with him a week or so before my subscription ended so I knew this would be the last guy I would be meeting in this way . I have to say, this guy seemed great on paper, he was a traveler, photographer, business owner and we seemed to have a lot in common. (Did I mention he was pretty good looking as well?) The only downside I saw prior to our date was he was a little on the shorter side for my taste (5’9) but hey, I’m not exactly Gisele Bundchen in stature so I said what the heck. Prior to this date, I was making myself incredible nervous not only because this guy totally seemed like my cup a tee but because my subscription was ending and I was becoming increasingly aware that I have officially only had 1 second date!
He gave me HIS phone number (which should have been an indication of what was to come) so I proceeded to call him and leave a super crappy, anxiety ridden message. What the heck was my problem? He called me back and we had a short kind of awkward convo and agreed to meet up for Indian food on his side of town (another indication) the next week. The big day arrives and I did what any nervous girl going out with a good looking, successful guy does, I spent a good couple hours getting ready for the date. I had a glass of wine, gave myself a good once over and thought (presumptiously) I had this date in the bag.
The drive to the restaurant was so butterfly inducing the thought of consuming Indian food was growing increasingly unappetizing. When I got to the restaurant, we gave each other a hug and sat down. Yay, I thought-hard part over, the rest should be a piece of cake! We were having such great conversation prior to dinner the waiter came to take our order about five or six times but we kept forgetting to look at our menu (mind you, he was talking at least 51% of the time before you get the wrong idea.) We ordered and joked with each other during dinner and he had some funny stories about internet dating and girls in general which I didn’t really fully comprehend AT THE TIME.
Next, he asked if I wanted to grab a beer so we walked to a nearby brewery and continued getting to know each other and joking around. After about three hours of hanging out, we walked to our cars and called it a night. We both stated we had fun and I said I’d see him soon. To clarify I thought the date had gone extremely well. Our conversation was interesting and we had plenty to talk about. We had a nice report going and I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary that would warrant blowing me off. Well, HE apparently did! I waited a few days to hear from him, didn’t hear anything, and started to get a sense that I wasn’t going to. I emailed him saying I had a nice time and attached an article relating to a bet we had going. He got back to me with only a sentence or two. I knew where this was heading, no second dateville-that’s where! WTF, he obviously knew what I looked like (all my 15 plus pics are fairly recent, and Photoshopless) and I don’t think it was a personality thing, seeing as though we exchanged numerous witty emails, so what gives? Because I had nothing else to lose, I felt compelled to find out what the heck happened. So here is the following conversation verbatim via text: (about two weeks later)
Me: Do you have any interest in going out again? (I needed myself some closure.)
Him: Hey, I think just as friends would be best for me. Otherwise good luck on your dating search : ) (WTF-what a jerk face.) Did he not pre-screen the crap out of me prior to the date? Friends yeah, how insulting, every instinct I had could not NOT respond this time!)
Me: No thx-im more into the whole getting laid thing ; ) good luck with yours! (Sorry Mom-it was more to make a point then anything else.)
Him: Ha. Thanks that made me laugh pretty good : )
Now, the sheer humiliation of being put in the “friends” category should have made me convert to lesbianism or maybe crawl into a hole and die but I didn’t and here is why. I actually thought more about our exchanges and realized, this guy had some issues. Remember the part where he shared some his dating stories? Well, I was so blind-sided by his good looks, great life resume and fact I was no longer a part of the internet dating world I neglected to actually take in what he was REALLY telling me.
The following two stories are the actual ones he told me:
1st story: “I met a girl from the Internet once and wasn’t very attracted to her. We had a great time and had some really good conversation but there just wasn’t a lot of chemistry. I wasn’t planning to go out with her again but she called and asked me-so I thought, why not? I mean, I didn’t want to be shallow or anything. We hung out, she brought us to this really romantic spot with a great view, and I decided I would try to kiss her and see if there is anything there. I kissed her and swear to god I almost threw up! She was all teeth that girl.”
What I was thinking at the time:
This guy is so nice he was trying not to be shallow. He tried to see if there was anything there. Nice boy with pretty eyes., so so pretty. Hmmm, what about throwing up????
What I realize now:
The guys a jerk. He went out with this girl AGAIN that he knew he wasn’t attracted to and then tried to kiss her. She was the one pursing him and he had no objections. What an ego feeder. Did he stop and think that when a girl has the nerve to ask a guy out and then plans a romantic date and then almost gets thrown up on that SHE might not want to go out with him again? In all honesty, it was a slight punch in the stomach that he went out with vomit inducing girl again but stated he and I would be best as “friend’s” Whatever, who like a guy with a weak stomach anyway!
2nd story: “My first girlfriend was a little crazy. She was really into music and the arts and stuff but pretty crazy. After we broke up, I found out that she was trying to get pregnant while we were together and was on all sorts of drugs and stuff. But I still really cared about her. We almost got married. She ended up having a baby with the next guy she dated. Man, I could be a Dad right now!”
What I was thinking at the time:
This guy is so nice. He made a commitment to help this crazy girl. He obviously doesn’t have commitment issues. Are his eyes brown or hazel? Are those dimples I see? I love me a man with dimples. Hmmmm… what about drugs and babies?
What I realize now:
The guy is obviously attracted to drama. He dated someone that was beyond crazy and apparently taking drugs and almost married this chick. Any guy who not only almost marries this type of girl but also is still talking about her years later has his own issues. If he is attracted to this type of girl, but doesn’t even want a second date with someone sane and non-manipulative-like myself, I am pretty OK with not hanging out again. You may have pretty brown, hazel eyes and dimpley checks, pretty traveling boy but it looks as though you need to get your relationship priorities in check. (Plus you're short-so there!)
Lesson learned: For every girl that loves herself a bad boy out there there’s a guy that loves himself a bad girl. I’m proud to call myself a sane, normal, good(ish) girl. That’s your therapy session Mr.! Also, rejections a bitch yes, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Life’s full of rejection, not everyone you meet is going to instantaneously fall in love with you, get over it (oh, and make yourself feel much better by putting it all in blog format ; )
Sounds like pretty boy did you a favor. If he hadn't "rejected" you, would you have kept dating him and overlooking his shallow interior in favor of his "OH SO HOT" exterior???? I would hope not! What all of these boys have in common are extremely low IQ's, if you ask me. I don't think a girl like you is going to find that perfect someone unless you start searching for men who are AT LEAST as intelligent as you are (preferably, they will be smarter than you). That way, they won't be put off by your geniusness and will be secure enough, and SMART enough to know that you have a lot to offer. Dumb, insecure boys are NOT going to fall for you (know matter how "hot" they are)...and that is a good thing!!!!!!
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