Nice guys might finish last but apparently so do mentally stable girls…

I recently had my last online dating encounter with a guy we shall call Steve. I started corresponding with him a week or so before my subscription ended so I knew this would be the last guy I would be meeting in this way . I have to say, this guy seemed great on paper, he was a traveler, photographer, business owner and we seemed to have a lot in common. (Did I mention he was pretty good looking as well?) The only downside I saw prior to our date was he was a little on the shorter side for my taste (5’9) but hey, I’m not exactly Gisele Bundchen in stature so I said what the heck. Prior to this date, I was making myself incredible nervous not only because this guy totally seemed like my cup a tee but because my subscription was ending and I was becoming increasingly aware that I have officially only had 1 second date!

He gave me HIS phone number (which should have been an indication of what was to come) so I proceeded to call him and leave a super crappy, anxiety ridden message. What the heck was my problem? He called me back and we had a short kind of awkward convo and agreed to meet up for Indian food on his side of town (another indication) the next week. The big day arrives and I did what any nervous girl going out with a good looking, successful guy does, I spent a good couple hours getting ready for the date. I had a glass of wine, gave myself a good once over and thought (presumptiously) I had this date in the bag.

The drive to the restaurant was so butterfly inducing the thought of consuming Indian food was growing increasingly unappetizing. When I got to the restaurant, we gave each other a hug and sat down. Yay, I thought-hard part over, the rest should be a piece of cake! We were having such great conversation prior to dinner the waiter came to take our order about five or six times but we kept forgetting to look at our menu (mind you, he was talking at least 51% of the time before you get the wrong idea.) We ordered and joked with each other during dinner and he had some funny stories about internet dating and girls in general which I didn’t really fully comprehend AT THE TIME.

Next, he asked if I wanted to grab a beer so we walked to a nearby brewery and continued getting to know each other and joking around. After about three hours of hanging out, we walked to our cars and called it a night. We both stated we had fun and I said I’d see him soon. To clarify I thought the date had gone extremely well. Our conversation was interesting and we had plenty to talk about. We had a nice report going and I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary that would warrant blowing me off. Well, HE apparently did! I waited a few days to hear from him, didn’t hear anything, and started to get a sense that I wasn’t going to. I emailed him saying I had a nice time and attached an article relating to a bet we had going. He got back to me with only a sentence or two. I knew where this was heading, no second dateville-that’s where! WTF, he obviously knew what I looked like (all my 15 plus pics are fairly recent, and Photoshopless) and I don’t think it was a personality thing, seeing as though we exchanged numerous witty emails, so what gives? Because I had nothing else to lose, I felt compelled to find out what the heck happened. So here is the following conversation verbatim via text: (about two weeks later)

Me: Do you have any interest in going out again? (I needed myself some closure.)

Him: Hey, I think just as friends would be best for me. Otherwise good luck on your dating search : ) (WTF-what a jerk face.) Did he not pre-screen the crap out of me prior to the date? Friends yeah, how insulting, every instinct I had could not NOT respond this time!)

Me: No thx-im more into the whole getting laid thing ; ) good luck with yours! (Sorry Mom-it was more to make a point then anything else.)

Him: Ha. Thanks that made me laugh pretty good : )

Now, the sheer humiliation of being put in the “friends” category should have made me convert to lesbianism or maybe crawl into a hole and die but I didn’t and here is why. I actually thought more about our exchanges and realized, this guy had some issues. Remember the part where he shared some his dating stories? Well, I was so blind-sided by his good looks, great life resume and fact I was no longer a part of the internet dating world I neglected to actually take in what he was REALLY telling me.

The following two stories are the actual ones he told me:

1st story: “I met a girl from the Internet once and wasn’t very attracted to her. We had a great time and had some really good conversation but there just wasn’t a lot of chemistry. I wasn’t planning to go out with her again but she called and asked me-so I thought, why not? I mean, I didn’t want to be shallow or anything. We hung out, she brought us to this really romantic spot with a great view, and I decided I would try to kiss her and see if there is anything there. I kissed her and swear to god I almost threw up! She was all teeth that girl.”

What I was thinking at the time:
This guy is so nice he was trying not to be shallow. He tried to see if there was anything there. Nice boy with pretty eyes., so so pretty. Hmmm, what about throwing up????

What I realize now:
The guys a jerk. He went out with this girl AGAIN that he knew he wasn’t attracted to and then tried to kiss her. She was the one pursing him and he had no objections. What an ego feeder. Did he stop and think that when a girl has the nerve to ask a guy out and then plans a romantic date and then almost gets thrown up on that SHE might not want to go out with him again? In all honesty, it was a slight punch in the stomach that he went out with vomit inducing girl again but stated he and I would be best as “friend’s” Whatever, who like a guy with a weak stomach anyway!

2nd story: “My first girlfriend was a little crazy. She was really into music and the arts and stuff but pretty crazy. After we broke up, I found out that she was trying to get pregnant while we were together and was on all sorts of drugs and stuff. But I still really cared about her. We almost got married. She ended up having a baby with the next guy she dated. Man, I could be a Dad right now!”

What I was thinking at the time:
This guy is so nice. He made a commitment to help this crazy girl. He obviously doesn’t have commitment issues. Are his eyes brown or hazel? Are those dimples I see? I love me a man with dimples. Hmmmm… what about drugs and babies?

What I realize now:
The guy is obviously attracted to drama. He dated someone that was beyond crazy and apparently taking drugs and almost married this chick. Any guy who not only almost marries this type of girl but also is still talking about her years later has his own issues. If he is attracted to this type of girl, but doesn’t even want a second date with someone sane and non-manipulative-like myself, I am pretty OK with not hanging out again. You may have pretty brown, hazel eyes and dimpley checks, pretty traveling boy but it looks as though you need to get your relationship priorities in check. (Plus you're short-so there!)

Lesson learned: For every girl that loves herself a bad boy out there there’s a guy that loves himself a bad girl. I’m proud to call myself a sane, normal, good(ish) girl. That’s your therapy session Mr.! Also, rejections a bitch yes, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Life’s full of rejection, not everyone you meet is going to instantaneously fall in love with you, get over it (oh, and make yourself feel much better by putting it all in blog format ; )

5 and counting…

Its official, my internet dating subscription has come to end! Unfortunately, (or fortunately for blogging purposes) I have not met the man of my dreams. While I had fairly low expectations I have to admit I was pretty disappointed by the outcome. Out of the 5 men I pre-screened, re-screened, emailed, called, and arranged to meet, a strong mutual connection has yet to be made. I am really starting to understand why the most recent “Bachelor” ended up going home without a fiancé even while having 15 available women. I have managed to come out of this interesting phase of my life with slightly lower self-esteem, the ability to strongly question the normalcy of men in this world, a intense almost murderous hatred for any and all winking and 60 buckaroos lighter. Man, oh man am I turning into an internet-dating cynic! So there it is, I came, I saw and I virtually disappeared. (On the bright side, I didn’t catch any viruses ; ) JK-a lil internet humor!!!


There were some upsides to this little adventure of mine; I got to go on a couple fun dates (who knew there was indoor putt putt?) I learned a lot about the opposite gender and dating games (guys REALLY do not like emailing back and forth!) A few of the fella’s actual sent me perfectly respectable and at times flattering emails (thanks Momma for the pretty eyes.) Lastly and most importantly, I learned some things about myself and what I am and am not looking for.

The following is a list of things I am looking for:

*-An outdoorsy guy who likes to travel (European travel stories make me drool with jealousy and intrigue!)
*-A guy who has the unmentionables to call prior to the 1st date and also right after to say he had a good time (If you like someone, stop playing games and suck it up and call.)
*-A good sense of humor (If you don’t laugh at my outlandish and self-deprecating brand of humor, you gotsta go.) Extra points if you tell funny jokes or make me laugh!
*-Good manners (Don’t make me question whether you were born in a barn.) P.S-If your new women comes to your house for the first time, put the toilet seat down and clean your bathroom, your welcome not to but I can guarantee it’s going to be a quick date!)
*-A car, house, and decent job (come on, you have to have some standards.)
-Intellectual/well read (If ALL you talk about is your car, beer or sports, I’m super bored.)
*-Passion and hobbies (Doesn’t matter what they are-just have one or two!)

Some things I am not looking for: (or are not as important as I thought)

-Pretentiousness, smugness, excessive cockiness etc… (You may be rich, good-looking, semi famous, extremely talented or some combo but who really cares if you’re a total jerk face)
-Height (well, I manage to shave off a few inches at least!)
-A guy who doesn’t pay (At least on the 1st date. Come on guys, don’t give me any feminism BS-you do realize you still get paid more right?
-Someone who lives in a specific area of town (turns out there are interesting people all around the city, who knew?)
-A total texter, or person who is ALWAYS on his phone. (Hope that phone keeps you warm at night buddy!)

While my lengthy list may seem a little like, wow girl no wonder your single, I really, really don’t think my expectations are that high in the grand scheme of things. If they are, oh well because I have a lot to offer myself minus all the annoying baggage (I made sure to * all the things I feel I can offer as well.) As you can see, I have learned a lot in the last few months about myself and people in general. While I am walking a fine line of dating cynicism, I officially vow to not become jaded. The way I see it I have met 5 guys out of what, 5 million? So, I didn’t meet that perfect guy for me, he’s out there and I’m ever the more determined to find him, in my own time, by my own rules. It may not be on the internet but I have a feeling there’s more stories to tell…

Lesson Learned: Internet dating CAN be a waste of time and money but even if you don’t meet your soul mate, there are plenty of things to learn in the process.