Count down till Jan…

I officially canceled my dating website account. So take that DatingRUs, you have failed me! The account ends in Jan so I feel as though I have exactly 2 months to use the website for some social experimentation. This list I have complied a top 10 list of is how I plan on further researching the fabulous world of online dating…

Top 10 ways to turn a dating website into your own personal research study:

10) Profile pic Mon: Turtleneck, no make-up and big smile. Profile pic Wed: Low cut blouse, sultry eye shadow and coy head tilt. Fri: Count wink differences.

9) Use the headline: “Single girl ready to have fun” and then change to: "looking for the one” Count emails received for each.

8) Change your profile pic to the hottest girl you can find, email any quy who blew you off stating you would like to meet for drinks. Blow them off.

7) Email at least one guy who under normal circumstances you might not have been interested in. (Hey, you never know-Mr. I’m not your type could turn into Mr. Now your typeless.)

6) Put please don’t wink me in profile. See if guys wink.

5) Add I will only date guys who make above $100,000 to profile. She if you get ANY emails.

4) Have 10 pictures on profile, all of cats. Email 20 guys. See if any reply.

3) Pick the hottest guy on the website and wink furiously. See how long before he files an internet restraining order.

2) Note interests as being, Witch Craft, Restraints and Watching Dexter. Any replies?

And the number one way to use a dating website for your own personal research:

1) Profile pic for everyday of the week: Monday: Me and Ex. Tues: Me sporting a thumbs up sign. Wed: Me and Jose (That’s Quervo-not another Ex!) Thurs: Cell phone pic taken by me in the mirror. Finally Fri: Me and beer bong with ex, self taken photo, flipping the bird. Tally up guys interested in each pic. Email them back and inform them they’re super douchee and make John Goseling look like Brad Pitt.

Lesson learned: When all else fails, it’s perfectly fine to use online dating a form of social experimentation. Note to Letterman: It’s all yours!

Greetings and Salutations…

That is seriously what my last online dating email started as. Maybe I am being way to picky, but just starting an email like this makes me queasy. I tried to look past the intro, I really did and some might argue I am looking for things to dislike about these guys but really, could you ever waking up day after day to a man that’s like “Greetings and salutations this fine morning honey!” I mean come on, the greetings is one thing-but once you have already greeted me and then felt the need to salutate me, I have fully lost interest in the contents of your email! Slim pickens I tell you…

The email prior that the guy felt the need to express to me that I “be cute” His email read the following, Hi, I’m illiterate… and “I liked you profile and just wanted to email you and say YOU BE CUTE.” Yeah, well-you be rejected, dorkous.

I am really trying to be less judgmental and more open-minded but I vow not to lower my standards to the point where I’m dating a guy that uses the word salutations and thinks I be cute. I’m officially adding those two to the list of no deal guys. Along with, shirtless profile pic guy, multiple winker guy and ex frat boy beer bong picture guy.

Lesson learned: Whatever you say in the subject line of your email is a pretty good indicator of your future with someone from a dating website. That and the word salutations should never ever be used, with the exception of maybe the subject line of your cover letter and even that’s pushing it!